Parenting: Who’s Really In Charge

She was impatient.  Ready to arrive.  A false alarm trip to the emergency room; only to be sent home still carrying that extra 30 pounds.

Four more weeks until she’s due, or so I thought.

One last class and an MBA in hand.  I will walk in graduation and then give birth according to plan.

She had other ideas; this time the doctors couldn’t delay her.

One week before graduation, I gave birth for the first time.

I was the Mom, she was the child.

But, already she led the way, two weeks early to the day.

I’m experienced now, I explained to the doctor.

Even though there are two, I know the drill.

If history repeated itself, this will be a breeze.  Two for the price of one.  Synergies.

What was I thinking.

The best laid plans have no place in God’s Kingdom.  It is His story, and He will complete it.  I was in bed after 4 months, my only activity was the frequent street races to the hospital.  These two threatened to come over and over until God finally agreed.  They were 5 1/2 weeks early.

Seventeen years later I pray:

Lord help me to be the Godly Mom they need.

Lord please pull them close to you.  Choose them Lord as you Chose me!

Jesus why won’t they do what they are supposed to!

God, why me?

I don’t have much time left Lord, what if I don’t prepare them to be on their own?

Lord, how come you blessed me with these three?

Father it is like spinning plates, once I get one on the right track, the other starts to fall.

Once upon a time I held them close and rocked them to sleep.

Today I pray I can stay awake to be sure they are home safe.

I’m too tired…I don’t have time… I don’t want to play….

They’re always sleeping…. they never have time …..there they go again – off to play….

I wish I knew then what I know now.  I wish I had turned to you more during the years.  You gave us these gifts to take care of for you.  You say you will never give us more than we can handle.

I guess that is why you gave me good kids.  You knew I couldn’t handle much!

I know I am not finished yet.  And I know we are not in this alone.  Thankfully, you love them even more than us.   After all they are your kids, just lent to me.

They come shiny and new; with an instruction manual in hand.

Your Word…Your Holy Spirit….Your People

My instruction, my guide, my friends.

It isn’t long now, less than a year.  She was impatient to get here.  She is eager to go.

But she will do fine.  She learns quicker than I.

She is preparing now, eager to fly

With her she will bring…

Your Word….Your Holy Spirit…and You

Her King!

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Friends,

Parenting is one of God’s most precious gifts.  Sometimes it is difficult to decipher the manual alone.  Coming September 11, 2010 to River Community Church is John Rosemond.  I have read his books Parenting by the Book, Parent Power, and Teen-proofing.  They changed my perspective on parenting and helped me to align it with God’s Word.  Here is a chance to hear him speak in person.  All are welcome.  Sign-up on line www.rivercommunity.org.

John Rosemond presents “Parenting with Love and Leadership: from Tots to Teens” Saturday, September 11, 2010 1:30 PM – 5:00 PM Tickets: $10, $15/Couple Free childcare will be provided, but registration is required and space is limited. Call 225.313.7833 for more info. Purchase tickets and register for childcare

A Place for the Past

A look back....

The past.  We all have one.  For some it brings smiles, for others tears.  Memories that fade to our subconscious creating the foundation of who we are today.

The cliches are ever present:

You have to leave the past behind….

It all goes back to my sordid past…

You are still living in the past…..

The glory days are behind you…..

Although we know that the past has a finite place in our lives, without it, we wouldn’t have a future.

Our past….

Jesus died for you 2000 years ago.

God planned you before you were born.

If you are a Christ-follower,

a moment in your past changed your future for eternity.

If you are yet to follow Christ,

a seed is planted today, which tomorrow will be yesterday.

Without the past, we lose the precious moments of..

graduating

falling in love

holding our newborn for the first time

seeing our child’s first steps

getting that job

marrying your soul mate

And the love of horses begins…

First prom….

Captured expressions…..

With every bruise, abandonment, harsh word, or traumatic event that may have occurred back then…

Our Savior promises to make some kind of good out of our suffering.

Be it wisdom to take a different path.

Be it empathy to provide mercy and healing to others.

Be it faith that shines a light on Jesus.

I believe our past is an integral thread that keeps the tapestry of our life held together.

The tapestry of a life is woven in our memories.

Will you give it power to destroy or to heal…will it bury or free you….

Tomorrow will be a new day.  You decide.  What will this new day add to your past?

The past sets….

….and a new day dawns.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

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The majority of these pictures were taken by Katie Miley!

Invitation to Come

Open Invitation

I remember when I first attended our church.  A woman I knew was having a women’s gathering at her home.  She personally invited me.

A stranger who would become a friend asked me to join a small group with her and a few others that night.

Another invited me to have my questions answered at an Alpha event.  Later this became an invitation I could share with others.

As a woman without a Savior I was invited to His table through a string of seeds planted and invitations offered.  I finally accepted and became part of His Kingdom.

When we move into a new home we send out our new contact information to others.

I wanted to share my new residence as part of Christ’s community.

I invited others who didn’t have a church home of their own to visit mine.

I asked many who didn’t have a small group to join one with me.

I pray for the Holy Spirit to use me to invite others, just as He invited me.

For some it takes many, for others just one.

But all of us at some point had an Invitation to Come!

If you haven’t invited anyone to share your faith with you lately, now is the time.  It’s a simple gesture really.  If you are living for Christ then they can share your space and at anytime be in His presence.

Invite someone today to experience Christ with you in some small way.

It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches.” Luke 13:19

A Moment in Time

I was walking down the hall, name tag in my hand, when I saw him,

Standing, sobbing, his hand outstretched,

I peaked in the room and their were only two nurturing hands to tend;

I reversed directions,

headed into the room and scooped him up.

His little body shook as he laid his head on my shoulder.

I felt a rush of emotion flood through me as I imagined his helplessness;

need for secure arms around him and a steady shoulder to lean on.

I sat down in the rocker, holding him tight.

He started again with the sudden change in altitude;

Once my arms closed around him again and the rocker began it’s steady rythm

we both visibly relaxed.

I looked down at the name tag on the back of his shirt.

His parents a part of our community in Christ.

I remember during baptism committing to raise their children with them.

Our congregation commits to guide our children through this overwhelming world with us.

The other nurturing hands were available now.

She said “Whenever you would like I can take him from you.”

I thought for a moment and leaned back.

I am right where God wants me to be.

The Art (and Science) of Conversation

I was talking with my husband yesterday morning and we were lamenting over the loss of conversation as a meaningful exchange in our circles.  It is an art and a science, both of which seem to be lacking.

Of course, everyone has their own definitions for terms, but we define conversation as:

a two-way interactive exchange of words and body language,

however, when discussing the “art” of conversation we are interested in:

• building relationship
• including topics of shared interest or a combination of multiple topics that would include in some part the interest of both parties
• ideas and opinions being exchanged openly
• active listening to occur by all parties at some point in the conversation
• a desire by all involved to learn, share and know each other better

Do you have many conversations like this?  Without these components we find conversation to:

• only touch the surface
• actually create walls when one-sided or not interactive
• and result in distance rather than community.

In our discussions we were wondering what has happened to the art of conversation.  Although we hear grumblings and accolades about the good and evil of social media, we did both agree that social media is a vehicle to find others who are interested in and willing to discuss things we are interested in.  Then we shift to wondering if the reduction of conversation to 140 character sound bytes and the elimination of body language is part of the downfall of conversation.

In the end, Jesus calls us to love each other.  The New Testament has much to say about community.  And we know since the beginning of time beginning with Adam that it is not good for man to be alone.

This is where we thought it may be helpful to add a little science into conversation.  Maybe we need a process to fall back on.  There are some key components that help to develop conversation.  We came up with a few.

1. Make time to visit with people in person. Being together helps us to be more “present in the moment”.  We are more likely to give each other undivided attention.  And our body language adds depth and “art” to the conversation.
2. Learn to ask open ended questions to start conversations. We must do our part to create a two-way interactive exchange.  By asking questions of another person we are being proactive, showing interest, and requesting their participation.
3. Practice active listening. Active listening means to focus on what the other person is saying, not what you are getting ready to say.  In active listening, your body language is encouraging by nodding your head in understanding, leaning forward, paraphrasing what was just said so that the person knows you have heard them.
4. Share your thoughts (and heart) back on the topic of conversation. People want feedback on what they say, but many times we just give a cursory surface response and change the subject.  Open up.  Share your heart.  If you want a real conversation you may have to be the first to open up in order to develop meaningful interactive conversation.

If we are to build community and to love each other as Jesus commands, we need to anti up our hearts and minds to the “art (and science) of conversation”.  If you haven’t had a truly meaningful conversation in awhile, join me in proactively seeking one out by doing your part this week.  Call someone for coffee or lunch.  Show interest in them by asking them questions and start off by really listening to them.  Then add a twist of “art” by leaning into the conversation with the color and texture of your heart!

What else do you think adds texture and depth to conversations?

Graduates: If You Give Up on Your Career Now, You’ll Hate Yourself Later

After spending four long years in college and maybe an extra 2-3 years in graduate school, you are ready to get out and get a job.  If you are normal you want the job to be commensurate with your hard work and discipline.

In my experience though, expectation doesn’t necessarily lead to a job.  My concern for the younger generation entering the work force in 2010 is that they give up on their career aspirations before they get started.  The have an “expectation” of a great job, but are not

• equipped to finding this job
• enthusiastic and disciplined about the job search process
• willing to do what ever it takes to make a place for themselves in the work world

I stay very current with what the blog world, books and people’s parents are telling them about finding a job.  I talk to clients about job search and career direction regularly.  I am  concerned because, however you want to look at it, we the advice givers, are only serving to psych you the graduate out!  But, I am here to tell you that if you give up on your career now, you will hate yourself later!

If You Give Up on Your Career Now You Will Hate Yourself Later!

Here is what I see in new graduates approach to starting a career.

• before you even walk in graduation you have been told by people you trust that there are no good jobs available.  The economy is bad and unemployment is high and even though you haven’t really looked you are convinced looking for a job is like sucking blood from a turnip.
• you become willing and ready to settle for any job that someone will drop in your lap, whether or not it is related to your studies, just so you don’t have to face the inevitable rejection prophesied by well meaning parents and advisors.
• you begin to hop from job to job, not because you are “creating your own way” but because you are too intimidated to really pour your heart and soul out into a career search.  So you settled for whatever job a parent or friend could get you.

You read articles about how the younger generations find lifestyle far more important than work ethic.  They romanticize this concept in a fashion that the Gen X/Y’s are smarter than the baby boomer parents who worked their life away with no balance or quality of life.

That sounds great in theory and I could buy it if I saw this generation in fabulous jobs that matched their training.  I could embrace the concept if I was witnessing effective boundaries in action and a work hard at work and then go home and live life attitude. The reality appears more like an excuse they tell themselves for never putting their passion and talents to work.

My prayer for you is that you TAKE BACK your life.  Don’t settle for what the pessimists are selling.  Dare to be different and trust in God that if you do your part He has a meaningful life planned for you.

A Case Study

Here is a story of one young girl’s career path (I will call her Ann) that I think works for any generation and will work for generations to come:

When I took over the coffee house division for Community Coffee their were only two stores operating.  On day 2 or 3 of my new job, a young 19 year old girl came knocking on my office door.  She was dressed in a business suit and heels. I remember because she sort of stumbled into my office, being a veteran of sweatshirts and tennis shoes.  She announced that she worked for me as a barista at one of the two stores.  She proceeded to tell me that she was an advertising major at LSU graduating in the next year.  She loved her job and didn’t mind starting at the bottom, but  she wanted me to know that her sights were on a career at CC’s.  She was willing to do anything and she just wanted to come and introduce herself and let me know this.

Over the next year this barista volunteered for anything and everything.  If we needed people to take inventory, she was there.  She would corner me anytime I walked into the store with ideas she had for that store, for marketing, probably for the CEO of the company for that matter.

She began to get promoted starting with Assistant Store Manager to Store Manager to District Manager to Marketing Manager.  It really became known throughout the division that whenever we needed something done “Ask Ann to do it, she will do anything.”  And when I say anything I just mean that no job was too small or large for her.  If she was promoted to a new job and didn’t have a clue what she was doing she rallied people around her to help her.  She seemed to lack any type of fear of failure.  Granted we were running coffee houses, not doing brain surgery. She got that!

What were the Secrets of her Success?

1. She asked for opportunity over and over and over. She didn’t whine or complain.  She just volunteered or asked “what do I need to do to develop myself so that I will be ready for the next opportunity?” It never was on her timing.  She wanted each job well before they reached her.  But I knew she wanted the jobs and she consistently put herself out there to ask, work hard and be flexible.
2. Her enthusiasm was boundless. She was so excited about what we were doing and she had so many ideas that you couldn’t help but want her around.  She was solving problems that hadn’t even occurred yet.  It was contagious and the result was a major positive influence on the people around her.
3. She took networking to a whole new level. She was friends with everyone in the division and all of the customers.  She encouraged others.  She volunteered to help at other stores.  She hung out at the different stores in her off time brainstorming with other employees.
4. She wasn’t just talk. If another store manager needed help finishing inventory she would go to their store after she finished at hers.  If another manager was short an employee she would send someone to help.

Think about it….as a hiring manager I want people on my team who are enthusiastic, have a can do attitude, are willing to start anywhere and show that they will work hard.  She made mistakes.  I called her to fuss at her many times.  My challenge with Ann was how to contain and channel all of the energy and creativity.  How often is that a problem in the work world today.

Don’t End Up Being Another Cog in the Wheel

Too often we end up becoming what Seth Godin frames as “cogs in the wheel”.  Easily replaceable parts.

You just graduated!! You have your whole career waiting for you.  God created you with your gifts and talents and He wants you to use them to glorify Him.

If it took 4-6 years, and a hefty investment, to finish your higher education, isn’t it worth making a proportionately relevant effort toward finding a job, or better yet, God’s calling on our life?

I met with a young person yesterday who had passion and energy towards beginning his career life.  I was so excited about our conversation that we ran over by 20-30 minutes.  I wished I personally had a job for him because I love these qualities of motivation, hard work, and enthusiasm.  He also had a heart for God.

Encouragement (and Resources) for New or Soon-to-be Graduates

If you are recently graduated, or will graduate in the next year or two, I want to give you some encouragement.  There are always jobs for people who are energetic, work really, really hard, are willing to step out of their comfort zone and don’t give up easily. If you need some help with your job search, here is a free job search workshop presentation on job search and resume writing.  If you are not sure how to utilize your network of contacts to help you in your job search here is a free worksheet, Who To Contact First, that guides you to the people who can help you find a job.

If you want to read about how to be unique and make a difference in your career I recommend Seth Godin’s new book Linchpin (affiliate link).

I understand it is a new generation and society is ever-changing.  I believe in using new tools for job search such as Linkedin, Brazen Careerist, Twitter and such.  But in the end if you want to create a career I firmly believe you need to have a foundation of enthusiasm, hard work, flexibility, dependability and perseverance.  These may seem old school, but they are currently in scarce supply.  If you need help translating these God given gifts and talents to a job search plan, we are also available to coach you through.

You will be working for decades.  Love yourself enough to put forth the effort to make sure your career works for you!

What Do You Want to Learn?

I read a blog today called 300 words. The post was about understanding what we want to learn about and searching the bible, and maybe other sources, to really increase your body of knowledge. I love his perspective and he makes it sound easy for us all to learn alot! Check out his suggestions on how to make learning a daily event and how the bible is such a huge source of this learning.

Trust: Mother Teresa’s Prayer for The Clinger

I have always contended that if we could fully put our trust in God we would no longer have a need for counselors.  Just like everything in our pursuit of being more like Christ we get closer, but doesn’t it seem like the prize is just a tad out of reach?  Okay on some days it is just a dot in the horizon.

But on others I feel God’s presence.  I already know in my head that He is the Creator of the World.  He is love.  He is wisdom.  In my head trust makes all of the sense in the world.  On some days I feel in my heart the release of all of  my worries and hurts to the God who created me and loves me.  On other days the world, people, myself just do not make any sense to me.

I pray for God to explain to  me why…to show me what to do…to guide me on where to go next.  Trust is such a strong word.  It seems like it would be a consistent factor in your life once you gain it.  But in my experience it ebbs and flows.  My trust for God may look more like a roller coaster with sudden drops and slow ascents.

Yet it is my most earnest belief that trusting God is the truest form of faith, transformation, and worship.  I read a story once about Mother Teresa that you have probably heard me try to repeat if you have known me for very long at all.  I was re-reading Brennan Mannings’ book Ruthless Trust (a favorite of mine) and it is here that I read the story.  Books have been written about trust and I specifically recommend this book by Manning.  But here I just want to share the story in Mannings’ words from an excerpt in his book:

When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at “the house of the dying” in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life.  On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa.  She asked, “And what can I do for you?” Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.

“What do you want me to pray for?” she asked.  He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: “Pray that I have clarity.”

She said firmly, “No, I will not do that.”    When he asked her why, she said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.”  When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust.  So I will pray that you trust God.”

I love that story because I see myself as THE CLINGER.  I have prayed for CLARITY so many times I have lost count.  I have written blog posts about needing the flashing sign.  And although it gives me comfort to pray for clarity and I really do want it, I know that on these occasions I need to re-set my priorities and pray for trust.

It is one of the most precious treasures in our existence and if I could bottle up trust and gift it to people that would be my new calling.  Since I haven’t figured out how to manufacture trust I am relegated to praying for trust for many, many people including myself, and to recommending Brennan Manning’s book Ruthless Trust.  I believe he understands and provides insights that will at a minimum have every reader redirecting their personal prayers to trusting God.

I would love to hear you thoughts on “trust”.  Please share with us in the comments!

Universal Values

By Steve Wallace

The ability to have anything you want, when you want it. Power and glory. Respect and influence. Timeless pursuits, these are the universal values of those who run ahead of the pack. The enemy believed he could tempt Jesus Christ with exactly these things. After the Savior fasted for forty days in the wilderness, the devil appeared to him. “The devil said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.’ ” Jesus quoted applicable Scripture and remained sinless. “Then the devil took Jesus up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a single instant. The devil said to him, ‘I shall give to you all this power and their glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I may give it to whomever I wish. All this will be yours, if you worship me.’ ” Nothing doing.

“Then the devil led Jesus to Jerusalem, made him stand on the parapet of the temple, and said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written: He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you. Jesus said to him in reply, ‘It also says, You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test.’ ” The devil left him, but left us a measure of the temptations we continue to face.

Is the desire to have all we want—when we want it—enough to cloud our judgment? Do we seek power to the exclusion of wisdom and discretion? Does the longing for acceptance act like a narcotic, dulling our ability to choose wisely? Who do we worship? What do we worship? On what do we place ultimate value? When we are fatigued, physically or spiritually famished, lonely, anxious about tomorrow, aimless and weary, we tend to make poor choices. We sin. At times, universal values are nothing more than universal pleasures. If we focus on the God of the universe, we find ourselves more dependent on him, capable of making choices that honor the Lord and actually serve our best purposes too.

Steve Wallace BA, MA is a local writer, minister and teacher.  (And a good friend!)

Used by permission of Stewardship Today.

Are Worry and Trust Mutually Exclusive?

My small groups and clients all know that I believe if we trusted God purely we wouldn’t need counselors at all.  (Yes, I am trying to work myself out of a job.)  Worry has always been a cornerstone for me.  You know the wring your hands, out of control thoughts, can’t focus on anything else obsessive worry.  Because it is such a big theme in my life and society, I tend to write about it alot.

Earlier this week I wrote about it for my business blog, Christian Business Crossroads.  It was slightly swayed to worrying about business but I think it is more about life.  I wanted to share it with you too.  I called it Kicking the Habit:  Worry not Heroin.

I would love for you guys to comment.  Do you think worry and trust are mutually exclusive?  Does trusting God grow your faith?  What verses comfort you when you worry?

Also, sign up for the blog to your right if you want to join the ongoing conversation (or just read!).